3 Things That Will Make Me Walk Away…

Look, I’m no expert on what every woman wants and I’m the first to admit that a lot of women have some seriously flawed logic and values when it comes to the ways in which they allow themselves to be treated (myself included; hey you know, it was totally a sign that he was playing hard-to-get when I received that fiery red, ‘impact’ font letter saying; RESTRAINING ORDER!!! I know how to play this game, he loves to be chased! …and so on and so forth!). Though, I think I can speak for a large part of my social circle (shut up, my Batman plushie, Carebear and Peter Pan doll do count as my social circle) when I say that a lot of men seem to also have flawed ideas of what makes a girl fall for him.

I went on a date with this guy once.

…Yep, it was just once.

It was a one-time affair not because he had an instant charm that had me vying for a roll in the hay (oh baby, please tell me more about the time you bedded 6 girls from your work place… such a turn on!)…No, it was because I was so repulsed by everything he said and did that I felt as though I needed to come home and douse my entire body in methylated spirits and scrub myself with steel wool to get rid of the hideousness that was our date.

What I’ve found is that, most guys dip in to a bag of clichés of things that they think girls want to hear or what they think are going to impress us. I have a list of three things that are an instant “see you later, sucka” alarm for me. The first is this;

“Oh, I’m not like other guys.”

Oh, excuse me while I finish laughing at your cliché like it’s the end of a He-Man, Master’s Of the Universe episode where I, indeed have the power. If you’re not like other guys, I’m not like Pinocchio and my nose is also not growing. Just what the shit does that even mean anyway? It’s such an ambiguous statement. Are you not like other guys in that, you turn in to a werewolf on a full moon a la Michael Jackson’s Thriller right after he asks that dopey, scream-y broad to ‘be his girl’? Do you have a third nipple? Are you not like other guys so much so that you’re actually not a guy? Or are you trying to just be smooth, “Oh, ha… I’m totally not going to attach myself to you like a sniper’s crosshair and take advantage of your insecurities and your longing to be loved and completely and utterly ruin your life by allowing you to find me in our bed years later with someone much younger, vibrant and clearly more beautiful than you!” Yeah right… I think if you’re purporting to be a little off-centre or more reliable than the next douche bag sitting by your side, you could prove it without using the same line that that exact douche bag just used on that unsuspecting bird 10 minutes ago. Most logical, intelligent women are on to you – after all, all those other guys have used this line on us before.

“I’ll never hurt you…I promise.” Hahahahaha. I hate thinly veiled or empty promises. I live by the rule that I should never make promises that I can’t keep. That promise has been made to me on numerous occasions… And in hindsight I laugh because even though it may have made me feel giddy at the time, it now makes me a little bashful about my naiveté. Thank goodness we live and we learn and realise how full of shit some people are. If someone ever makes this promise, prospective significant other, new friend, man in a van offering you candy – run the other way. What if you’re hanging out with this person and they accidentally step on your foot in a pair of soccer boots that they wear for general fashion? Um… ouch! Promise broken! … See, can’t trust anyone these days…And if they’re just stomping around without discrimination in a pair of ugly soccer boots, why would you want to be with them?… even though that almost never happens, but alas, I digress.

“I love you” … Alright, so maybe girls love to hear this… but one particular guy tried to tell me he was falling in love with me before we even really hung out properly and quite honestly, it made me want to bolt in the other direction. Maybe I’m cynical, but if someone tells me they love me within a few weeks of hanging out, or after they’ve taken me out a few times, alarm bells go off. I would start to doubt their sincerity and if I doubt their sincerity then I am about to start doubting the entire thing. Sometimes I balk at how quick some relationships go – and how prematurely some people start exchanging I love you’s and the pet names and future plans – oh hello, what was your name again, you see I was too busy moving my furniture in to your house to ask…

Basically most sane, personality-issue-free women want communication; a man who isn’t afraid to have conversations, either fun or serious and who will confront an issue rather than pretending everything is okay. Women also want someone who is not afraid to be affectionate without being a sleaze bag. Oh and hey, perversion or constant sexual connotations are usually taken with a lot of discomfort until you actually know her really, really well – maybe I’m a prude who is destined to live with 6 cats and a dog for being so uptight, but I don’t care. Oh and by ‘most sane, personality-issue-free women’ I think I meant, ‘most lonely, uptight, quietly insane women’ … and I think by ‘women’, I think I meant me. The secret is, most ‘women’ want to be treated like a princess which doesn’t mean one has to flash his money around and lavish her, but – with respect, honesty, compassion and understanding that usually the logical, easy-going women can very readily and easily return.

From my own observations, a lot of people allow themselves to be treated without these things, they become a fool for someone who quite frankly couldn’t give a toss about offering anything them anything in return for their unconditional love.

Essentially love is hard thing to find, if it were so easy to find, half of the world wouldn’t spend their lives searching for it. It shouldn’t be something that people just give away to someone who seems ‘good enough’ …and it is certainly too precious to be spent on someone who doesn’t return it – or the Michael Jackson posters that may or not be on the wall of most sane, personality-issue-free women’s walls.

Leave a comment


  1. Tana

     /  June 24, 2011

    I love you baby.

  2. mumsy

     /  June 24, 2011

    all too true alas and alack


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