The Misogyny Files – #1 The Breast & Body Image Conundrum

What’s worse than a male’s chauvinistic attitude toward women?

It is when another woman displays her chauvinistic attitude toward women.

Samantha Brett, of the Sydney Morning Herald doesn’t have any issue in using her blogging platform for the paper to share her far-reaching opinions and thoughts that teeters on the edge of encouraging women to put on a breast show in order to get further, professionally.

Brett shares with us, almost as an absolute truth, that it is far better and more effective to put your breasts on display in the workplace than it is to hold a phD.

“And when it comes to the workplace, despite the fight for equal pay and equal rights, some women (many women) know that a good push-up bra is a better investment than any PhD. Besides, it sure as hell is something no man can ever attempt to compete with, no matter how many golf games or strip-club outings they organise for prospective clients. Women simply whip on a low-cut dress, some spindly stilettos and, voila! They’re ahead of the game by a long shot.”

Seriously? I sincerely hope that this entire paragraph is a joke, for oh, so, many reasons.

Moreover, I would feel concern over such a workplace of which a man would treat prospective clients to a strip club outing in order to win their business.

Further on, Samantha Brett perpetuates a stereotypical (and fictional) attitude that smaller breasts are seen as less desirable. She informs us that she has polled a trove of women who have led her to the resolve that, in more articulate (barely) terms, going to the beach and having small boobs, like, totally sucks, ‘cos all the hot guys look at the chicks with the big boobs!!!

I don’t know about others, but when I go to the beach, usually it is to swim, to have a picnic with my girlfriends or to just enjoy the atmosphere – regardless of my bra-size, I keep myself covered up, because as Ms. Brett accurately pointed out, we are the “sun-drenched” country.

The blogger then cites a self-conscious friend as a source for evidence to confirm her silly stereotype and incredibly accurate poll (yeah, right). You need big breasts to be sexy, you need men to compliment you on them in order to feel self-confident. Okay. Right.

 Perhaps, better spent would have been some time helping this friend build some esteem before letting her go for a boob job in order to please other people.

“It’s the absolute worst being flat,” a friend said to me before she decided to opt for breast augmentation surgery. “You feel as though everyone is staring at your chest for all the wrong reasons. No men call you sexy, and you definitely don’t get any wolf whistles. It brings down your entire self-esteem.”

Among ridiculous chauvinistic comments (from her previous blogs, I assume) that she has cited in order to get her point across, I came across a gem of a man that likened breasts to jewelery.

Honestly, I was under the impression breasts had something to do with nursing…

I think, given that Samantha Brett has a public following, it would serve her interests to write more responsible articles that don’t perpetuate body image issues or encourage women to subscribe to opinions or sentiments that make them second-guess intelligence in place of looks and image.

Not only that, but raising these non-issues (or conundrums, as she likes to call them) and paying attention to the chauvinists (both men and women) who like to believe that it is their right to stare unwittingly at a woman’s chest irrespective of her size, is just encouraging and giving a voice to misogyny at its best.

But then again, what do I know? Maybe I should just get my sweater puppies out and be done with it!

You can read the entire article here – The Great Cleavage Conundrum: should men look if it’s on display? 

Beauty Review #1 – ILOVETHISBOX – February

I decided to jump on the bandwagon a little while ago with these assortments of beauty boxes that are making their rounds. One of my close friends, Dorin, shared the page of ILoveThisBox on facebook because her friend had something to do with it. It is clearly for those who love cosmetics and beauty products — I am that person! I have a huge cosmetics collection, but I stopped buying a lot of things because I stopped going out and about as much as I used to — however, I still love to sample new products.

I waited for the release of three boxes before I decided to jump aboard and subscribe. It’s $14.95 per month (you can pay month-to-month or more) and you will receive a bunch of 5-6 products that far exceed what you will be paying per month for the box. And the great thing about it, is that you don’t have to leave the house, it comes to your doorstep and there’s something exciting about getting physical mail!

The actual packaging was really cool. Obviously it’s Valentines month so this box was red and geared toward the holiday. I’m a single gal, but I don’t have any hatred or bitterness toward Valentines day. This is how the package was;

I think Ilovethisbox did a great job with the presentation, it was really cute.

Moving on to the products…

Elizabeth Arden – Red Door – $55 – 30ml, $70 – 50ml, $95 – 100ml.

The 10ml sample bottle of this Red Door perfume is really adorable. In my house there is a full 100ml bottle of Red Door already, and it doesn’t belong to me. I am a huge lover of perfumes, but I always consider Red Door to be the “old lady” perfume. (This is just my opinion, I know a lot of people who love it!) as soon as I pulled it from the box, my Mum’s eyes lit up and she made me spray it on her. She then claimed it, so this was a nice item. And if anything, I adore the purse-sized bottle.

Keratinology by Sunsilk – Overnight Treatment – Full Size 100ml – $13.95


A little while ago I saw this product in priceline and was going to buy it, but in the end I changed my mind. I still have not used it, but I have super thick, long, curly hair, naturally. If I don’t put product in it, it turns to fuzz after it is wet. When I go swimming my hair gets very easily damaged. So I will be interested to see how this goes in my hair. I have heard some great things about it. I am excited to try it! And also, impressed that this is the full sized bottle.

Rimmel Lasting Finish Kiss & Stay, Lip Gloss – Full Size Product – $14.95

This lip gloss is great! I tried it on about 4 hrs ago and haven’t had any of it rub off even though I have been drinking some water and eating a little since work. The colour is 10 – “First Kiss” I am not sure if everyone got the same colour, but I really like this one. I like the brighter, bolder colours and this is a very similar shade to my favourite Chanel 37 (Velvet allure) lipstick. I found this really easy to apply and the second gloss coat has a good feeling – sometimes glosses tend to dry and end up flaking. This is lovely. Another great product.

The Aromatherapy Co. Rose & Patchouli Sensual/Soothing range. – Full Size Product $7.95- $13.95

I am a huge fan of anything scented (that smells good) I love creams and shower gels and things where I am left smelling edible (waiting for some weirdo to come and take a bite out of my arm, hey now, he’s only human) so I was pretty happy to receive some hand and nail cream. I always take extra good care of my fingernails. I have manicures often and if I didn’t work in a cafe my nails would always be a deep red colour. I really like the scent of this too, it reminds me of musk – I am also a big fan of musk. I will probably get a lot of use out of this; again, I work in a cafe and spend a lot of the day with my hands in the sink doing dishes thus my skin dries out. This is perfect for that.  The card that I received said that it will arouse my senses… let’s wait and see for that lol!

Nail File – $4.95

This is pretty cool just for the fact that I am always misplacing nail files and I can never find one when I need it. I am sure this will end up in the special “safe” place where all my other nail files went, but I’ll enjoy it while it’s with me. The card with my box assured me that this will make my handbag look colourful and “witty” … Unless this nail file is going to find it’s way out and start telling some jokes just after I’ve made some kind of hideous social faux pas as I’m prone to doing, I’m not sure how it is going to pull off “witty”, and while it IS colourful, I am not going to be wearing it on the outside of my precious and beautiful tan-coloured Guess handbag, so…

Bonus Jelly beans!

I love red lollies, and jelly beans too! I haven’t started on these, but I have an exam tomorrow morning so I bet these will be gone by the time I roll out of bed from the all-nighter I am about to pull so I can get all my study done.

In Summary:

Over all, I am really happy with my first delivery from Ilovethisbox.com.au and I’ve inspired my Mum to join up. I feel like the products are pretty great for the money that I paid for! I loved the presentation. If I could have changed one thing it would be the nail file for the reasons I listed, also because I can’t have an inanimate object being wittier than me 😉 but everything else was wonderful! Thanks guys, great job!

If you have any questions, please ask! Or you can visit their facebook page and ask yourself! Ilovethisbox – Facebook.

 

The Brave & The Bold: Melinda Tankard-Reist.

I have a great respect for those who go against the grain, who are strong enough in their convictions to stand up for what they believe in regardless of the cost. No one makes positive changes in the world without making some enemies or facing some discouraging attacks.

About two years ago (or around about) I was going through a break up with a guy who I truly had hoped was ‘the one.’ For a number of reasons, I can see now that he was not — but I was in a deep grief over the way that this person cruelly broke up with me. I was in the middle of a blame game because the person couldn’t do me the justice of ever giving me a real reason and release my heart in a normal and humane way.

There were a number of things in my mind that I could chalk up to the reason as to why he left me. And of course, I put all of those things on myself. Did I do something wrong? Was I not enough for him? Did I not love him enough? Was I not beautiful enough? Did he leave me because I wasn’t sure I could conceive? Perhaps things would have been different, had I not received a message from an ex of his early in our relationship, assuring me that he was cheating on her with me, among other things, so regardless of how much I wanted to love him, there was no trust in the beginning. I began thinking about other situations that took place in my relationship with him, as well as previous circumstances in past relationships.

I myself, have always been like a dog with a bone in certain areas of my life, and I don’t relent on something that I believe firmly in. Most of that pertains to how I demand to be treated. I am a firm believer in the idea that you teach people how to treat you. More so, I will be blunt in how I expect any future men to treat me based on my past (and apparently limited) experiences with the opposite sex. I did not ever want to be objectified again, I did not want to accept any boyfriend trying to coerce me in to sex or making me feel like I’m lesser of a woman for saying no. I did not want someone to leave me if it turns out that I can’t conceive. I’m a woman there is more to me than a uterus. I never ever wanted to accept the feeling of fear of the opposite sex, or mistrust because of what they would/could expect from me based on their stupid flirts in strip bars or other. If I chose to wait til marriage to have sex again — what of it? As long as I don’t spring it on someone mid-way through a relationship, then why should I be made to feel like I’ve done something wrong? I don’t want someone to treat me like their conquest — I would rather be alone for the rest of my life than let a single person conjure up all of those feelings again. And what a lonely thought…

And wow, didn’t these thoughts bring out the crazy when I jumped back in to the dating game…

I started reading Melinda Tankard-Reist’s blog in the middle of 2010 and read her book Defiant Birth which closely related to my own situations dealing with conception, pregnancy and more. Through reading her blogs, following her on twitter and reading about her campaigns, I started to realise that I was not the only one who saw degredation and misogyny in the way most men view/treat and hold expectations of women. I always felt like I was the only one who felt puzzled by females who accept any of the above treatment from men, or worse, emotional or physical abuse. Sometimes, I actually resolved that I was just being a prude or that there was something flawed in my thinking. But no, what I want/desire can be summed up in to one basic word;

Respect.

Melinda’s books and her blogs certainly helped me let go of this dizzying and false notion that my ex boyfriend was actually the one and that despite how much I pined for him, he was not who or what I wanted to accept in my life. Thus, I was able to (despite the heartache that doesn’t simply turn off) move on and deal with things a lot better. I would say that Melinda’s work was instrumental in helping me realise I could have never provided what that ex would have wanted or expected from me. And I am just one person, I can only imagine how many young women she has influenced in positive ways, how many girls who have seen themselves in victims of the things she campaigns against; porn, emotional/physical abuse, misogyny and more.

I wanted to write this post mostly about Melinda and less about me, but I wanted to point out that what Melinda Tankard-Reist is doing, is showing girls and young women (like myself) how to respect themselves. This doesn’t mean she’s pushing any views about saving yourself til marriage (apparently that’s just me!! lol) or telling girls what to do with their bodies or trying to push any such agenda. She is showing others the society for what it is — a deeply misogynistic one that, if recognised for what it is, can be fought against.

She campaigns against advertisers, corporations and popular culture media when they overstep their boundaries and put children or women at risk. In the past week and more I have seen the most disgusting and offensive things written about her by women and men alike, some of whom are supposed to be professional peers. I find it disturbing and upsetting the way people can be, but it just cements my belief that someone who is doing a good thing will always be met with road blocks and bumps along the way. Because Melinda and other feminists like herself stand up for women, it gives me a confidence to also stand up and share my thoughts and ideas (as controversial as I’ve come to realise they apparently are!) and I am surprised by just how many other women feel the same but have been previously too scared to say much as it is taboo to tell men how we really feel when they treat us certain ways.

Melinda Tankard-Reist, regardless of any beliefs she may or may not hold (Christian or other), is doing an amazing job at keeping many children (possibly yours) safe and free of sexualisation one campaign (sometimes many) at a time, along with many of her other amazing peers who support causes and campaigns that reach out to people like me who have had a very long history with being treated less-than and inferior by other people.

These people who have been saying nasty things, trolling, bleeding hatred from their nasty words with anonymous screen-names or even bold professional ones, need to be concerned with themselves. Disagreeing with her ideas or opinions is one thing, but public slander and bullying, threats of sexual abuse (something I encountered myself via twitter) is just proving every point about degredation she has ever endeavoured to make.

I think Melinda Tankard-Reist is an amazing woman, admirable, articulate, brave and courageous for being able to stand up and fight for what she believes in and what is right. She stands up for her convictions even if it is going against the grain. She deserves to be given more credit and more respect than is currently being afforded.

Thank you, Melinda, for all that you do.

How I narrowly missed getting punched in the face by a bogan.

Not a lot of things surprise me anymore. I say that from a jaded, cynical point of view of a 28-year-old shut-in who detests most of the things outside the comfortable doors of her close surroundings. (Almost poetic, isn’t it?!) I hate crowds, I hate rude people, I hate walking behind people who stop in the middle of the walk-way, I dream of a time where I could punch everyone who annoys me square in the face without consequence… But while that would be the sweetest thing ever, the thing or collective community of people that I detest the most are bogans.

This little black spot on society threatens my constant and overinflated sense of safety as I know it. For some reason, and no, I don’t know why – but I discovered just as recent as this past week, that bogans are a constantly defensive and paranoid people – even in a situation where there is no need.

Let me tell you a story.

It was last Saturday morning. I live around 1hr and 10 minutes from the Melbourne metropolitan train line, thus I have to take a special service called Vline to my rural stop. There are lots of pluses about being on a Vline service, but unfortunately it seems that the minuses far outweigh the good – let’s change the word minus to bogan. Bogans, without fail, ruin my train experience. Every, single, time.

I was surprised by how busy the train was on this early Saturday morning service, considering that bogans don’t usually wake til around noon (perhaps there was a special on Bundy & Coke or Holden paraphernalia that morning), but never-the-less, I managed to find a double seat all to myself. I plugged my earphones in to my Iphone 4S (yes, I’m a fat cat) and clutched tightly to my worldly possessions and looked out the window minding my own business while pleasing my ears with the Official Broadway Soundtrack of Wicked. Yep, already I reek of snobbery, I know.

I was actually really quite enjoying the train trip and managed to get a good fifty or so pages in of the current book that I am reading. As the trip neared to an end, I needed to organise for someone to pick me up from the station. We were nearing to one, and as I’d been reading I had lost track of the train’s location. I happened to look up in the direction of the digital monitor that displays the next stop. I came eye-to-eye with a young girl, who looked around my age (shut up and stop laughing at my use of the term ‘young girl’ married with ‘my age’). She was standing in the way of my view of the monitor, but I quickly had figured out I was at least a stop or two from my destination, so I looked away and back to my book.

Let me be clear. I did not look at her with any nastiness; I did not change my expression to disgust to find she was blocking my view. I simply looked up, saw she was standing waiting to get off the next stop and just as simply looked away again. The whole incident lasted probably about 2 seconds.

I was still blasting my music, “Nessa… Dr Dillamond… Fiyero…. Fiiiiiiyeeeeeroooooooo!” That type of thing… you understand. I thought I could hear someone carrying on, and it just so happened that the song was changing.

In the silence between songs, I could hear a commotion of the bogan persuasion. This is not unusual on a Vline, but like a car wreck, it’s hard not to look up. When I did, I saw that same woman who was in my view glaring at me, changing from a normal, centered-looking woman to an aggressive, defensive monster.

All I could see was her mouth going and a voice that didn’t look as though it belonged to her, going off. I was confused and I hadn’t registered that she was speaking – nay—yelling at me.

It wasn’t til I looked to my seatmates on the opposite side of the train to see that they were looking at me with horror that I realised she was speaking to me. I took my ear bud out and looked back at her. I am the type of person who cannot hide my feelings on my face. If I don’t like you, you’ll know it. If you amuse me, I can’t help but to laugh. If I am being a smart arse, I get a certain look of superiority and smugness happening. That’s me.

I must have had that smug and half-amused expression on my face.

Now, part of my own issue is that sometimes I seem to forget that I am a weigh 58kgs and am only 4ft9. (130lbs around about and 148cm!) … And just because I feel mighty, doesn’t mean it will stop some paranoid bogan from punching my head at some stage because I don’t know how to shut up. However, my past dictates that I let far too many bogans and losers speak to me and treat me like rubbish, and so now I am the polar opposite. I have no time for silliness or for someone trying to pick a fight with me.

I said to her, “Sorry, what?”

And she went off. “I said, what the f*ck do you think you’re lookin’ at?” in a voice that could only be compared with one of the chicks from this video here. (Warning: SO much bad language in this video). I’m not even kidding, this is almost exact to how she sounded.

I laughed inappropriately and said, “Are you kidding?”

And she let out another bunch of expletives. I’m sure she said she’d “smash the f*ck” out of me, or something. And if I know bogans like I think I do, they’re mostly all piss and wind. I rolled my eyes at her. I remained calm and still amused the whole time.

I told her to calm down, I explained that regardless of how lovely a thought it would be to think that I was staring at her, I was just looking to see the next train stop.

She continued to carry on and to be honest, her swearing just seemed to bury whatever accusation she was making against me and I’d had enough.

I sighed and shook my head. I gave a slight laugh and put my ear bud back in and resolved the issue with, “For goodness sakes, … just piss off.”

Her train stopped and I could hear her carrying on all the way down to the train exit and as she got off and on to the platform and I could still see her as she walked past my side of the train looking at me with her narrowed, shifty and accusing eyes swearing and calling me all of the abusive names under the sun.

My across-the-way seatmates were laughing uncomfortably and shaking their heads in disgust and offered to me that they hadn’t seen me even look up at her and that she was clearly crazy.

But no, my friends, this is just the normal wrath of a bogan on a vline train service.

So… I propose that Vline ban all bogans from boarding their services lest they ruin the experience for those of us who are not paranoid about other people looking at us, talking about them, or generally doing anything while minding our own businesses.

So… you hate the police, hey?

I don’t know how many times it has been said to me, “I hate the f**king police, they are nothing but pigs…” or something of a similar vain. I have been subject to various rants from people who whinge and carry on about how unfair and arrogant the cops are — usually the rant is sprouted by someone who is, in that moment, coming across as arrogant and are displaying their sheer ignorance of the fact that police do not make the law their job is just to enforce the law.

I once got in to it with a past friend via facebook who kept insinuating that police fabricate information to protect perpetrators. This went on for some 200+ posts where two members of the police force (both a Victorian Police officer and a New South Wales officer) gave their 2c on the issue. This woman kept on going and going and going with no argument base but just the general argument that all cops were bastards.

I am not an idiot, I know police corruption has existed within the Australian Police force and probably still exists within some police officers, but you can look at any organisation in the entire world and find corruption inside the doors. I don’t think it would at all be a leap for me to say that the vast majority of Australian Police officers do their job.

I could be biased, considering that I know two police officers very well who are like family and I can be assured that both of them are good and dedicated to their job, but I don’t think that I am.

These rants that come from morons who ignorantly sprout off all these injustices that are dealt to them by the police are coming from a place of anger after they were caught; BREAKING THE LAW!

I had someone complain about a fine for speeding to me (knowing that I knew a cop) and that how dare they, considering they don’t speed that much and the police should be out catching real criminals.

Oh, I have discussed this little doozy with a friend before. Ummm. That begs the question. “Did you exceed the speed limit?” “Yes.” “WELL THEN YOURE A REAL CRIMINAL.”

Gosh, how hard is it to understand? There are police departments that take care of different departments. There is a traffic and roads unit, there is a drugs unit, there is homocide, there is forensics, there are detectives — the list goes on.

There is not one crime that constitutes a real criminal any more than another, if you break the law you are committing a crime thus you are incriminating yourself. If you were not doing the wrong thing then you would not be sitting there in your stupid chair claiming injustice and insulting people who are just enforcing the law and doing their job.

Yes, I admit it, I speed sometimes. If I got caught though, and if a police officer acted rudely to me, it’d just be a reflection of my attitude. I’ve had three fines in my time and I’ve worn those fines gracefully and while it’s annoying that I’m stuck with a $200-odd speeding fine, I accept that I did the wrong thing to begin with and it’s no use passing the blame on to someone else.

And so…you hate the police so much, but who will you call when you are in trouble?

I’d be interested to find out.

5 Things That You Don’t Want To Hear When You’re Upset

So hey, you know when you’re in one of those moods where you are angry/emotional/down over something and just the sound of someone else breathing through their nose can unhinge you and turn you from being a dainty, saintly demure person in to a ravenous monster in half a second? 


Yeah? … Well here is a list of 5 things that you do not want someone to say to you in a half-arsed effort to comfort you. And to any offenders of these five things, you should know that you are a terrible, terrible person and chances are you probably have little to no social skills – or friends. And you know what? For good reason too.
1. Don’t worry about it. 


Oh, ohhhhh! you’ve just aired your entire heart to someone after their endless prompting despite your overwhelming and personal desire to deal with things in your own way, you were told, “don’t worry about it”. What an ideal, coffee-cup solution that quite frankly, is just so genius that you wish that you had thought of it yourself! 


Okay, right. That pearl of wisdom has just removed the problem entirely from your life and already you are probably feeling so much better. Thank you, no really. Thank you.
2. I know how you feel. 
This comforting little ditty is usually a cleverly masked way of diverting your attention from your own problems to their own, rather than trying to hear you out. This bold (and usually wildly untrue) statement will probably be followed up with “Because when I….” and suffixed with a pathetic story that relates to you only in that, you are both the same sex and maybe have the same eye-colour. This kind of “advice” further perpetuates a firm belief I have that people love the sound of their own voices. 


What you really want to say to this self-indulgent asshole is this; “No you don’t. You have no idea about how I feel – how on earth can you compare the time you anxiously broke it to your boyfriend’s best friend that you could no longer keep up the affair to my pain of losing my grand father in a freak accident involving a poorly constructed human catapult and a brick wall with spikes?!”
 

And you know what, jerk? Sometimes, just sometimes, I don’t want to talk about you – I want to talk about me and I understand that obviously to you, that’s too much to ask!”
3. Don’t cry, it’ll be OK.
Oh really? I will be okay? Do you mean it?
Oh thank goodness, for a moment there I was concerned that I might die of spontaneous combustion for these bitter tears are but little droplets of TNT threatening to detonate at any sudden flirtation with the epidermis! Whew, that was a bit touch and go for a second there.
Of course I’ll be okay, dumb ass.  



In the meantime, though, while you get the hell away from me before I inflict irreparable damage, I will reflect on how crying makes me feel better. And you? You should reflect on, and recognize the fact that you are actually just a crap friend who becomes uncomfortable at the sight of tears and your vague attempts at compassion can be likened to “comforting” someone by smoothing their hair.

From the other side of the room. 


With a broom. 



Asshole.
4. Just think though, there is always someone worse off.
That’s nice, you’ve just bared your entire soul to some insensitive dip shit and they have basically said to you in no uncertain terms; “stop being a selfish brat, your problems are bullshit and I don’t want to hear about them.”
Of course there will always be someone worse off, but currently I possess all of my limbs, and am not living below the poverty line (unless you count that week in May this year where I took part in a poverty fundraiser) so you’ll have to forgive me if I find it very hard to have the foresight in whatever devastation I am basking in, to appreciate these facts. 


In seriousness, people can only appreciate pain by what is within their realm of understanding. To be cliché, a person’s broken leg could be another person’s sore toe. Pain is relative to what you have lived – if the worst pain you have ever been through is a parental divorce, then of course that pain is going to be on par with someone who might have lost the ability to walk – of course they are two extreme things, but in terms of the worst thing either person has dealt with, its relative, isn’t it? 

Everyone’s pain is real to them. 
As the great and wise Ally McBeal once said, “You know what makes my problem’s bigger than everybody else’s? … They’re mine.
5. Try to remember the important things! Health, family, friends.
Mate, the only thing I think we need to remember here is that I am your friend, and you are failing at being mine. It’s kind of hard to remember anything while I am being cloaked by this blinding, unfiltered rage that consumed me when your lack-of-compassion left your body in the form of A STUPID STATEMENT THAT BY THE WAY, JUST MADE ME EVEN MORE UPSET.
Important things important things important things… oh yeah, I’ll remember to go make some new friends. 


Good advice.





And so there you have it friends… what are some of the dopey shit people have offered to you when you’ve been upset?

5 Things That I’ve Learned From Watching X-Factor Australia

 

If X-Factor has taught me nothing at all (which really, it hasn’t) it has instilled within me some very important take-home lessons of which I will share with you right now so that you might be able to also take them home with you and of course, apply them to your life – or something.

You are welcome, my friend.

1. Quips, clichés and hypocrisy are necessary for good judging.

In order to properly hand out a scorecard, it is imperative for each judge to squeeze out at least one pathetic cliché at any point during the show that I suspect has been carefully rationed to them by the producers. I suspect that these cheesy clichés are hand-written and tossed in to the sweaty baseball cap of a crew member that the judges have hidden under the table just to raise the bar on the quality of judgment in order for them to give a very honest performance while on live TV. Basically, it’s just another way in which the judges can fill their TV time with really nothing constructive at all.

Hey you know what, just cos you don’t feel it, Natalie Basthingthonwaithe doesn’t mean it wasn’t good. And just because you think they upped the ante, Mel B, doesn’t mean your sub-par contestant actually showcased anything new.

Oh and the hypocrisy. One group sounds like shit yada yada and they shouldn’t be surprised if they are in the bottom two on Monday Night so the judges can lament about what a huge shock it is! But then it’s okay that Talentless Ted over there sings like a drowning seahorse… yes, I understand what an oxymoron a drowning seahorse is, but that should further highlight the point I am making. After all, singing like a drowning seahorse is what this competition is all about!

That leads me to my second point.

2. When contestants have to “sing for their life” on Monday nights, it shouldn’t be taken literally.

I’m not an unreasonable kind of person (though I have been prone to introducing myself to strangers as Queen Jessica of The Isle of Awesome now and then, yet that’s really neither here nor there) but I would appreciate if these “reality” type TV shows would be a little clearer and cease the use of so many disappointing metaphors.

At least, I think that when Luke Jacob’s tells us that the singer is about to sing for their life that it is indeed a metaphor.

I say this because (and with a small hint of regret) I have yet to see a sniper appear on the stage with a sawn-off shot-gun threatening to pop someone who does not sing with truth and honesty or who has failed to up the ante and prove that their life is worth sparing.

Although, perhaps if it were literal it would make things a little more interesting…

3. Contrary to the judges understanding, there can only be one winner of X-Factor.

So… if I could have 10 dollars for each time one of the judges touted a (fairly mediocre) contestant as a “talent that could win this competition!” I’d probably have a fair bit of money – I wouldn’t obviously be rich, cos it’s only a 13 week competition and they might only say it about 3 times an episode and that’s around $60 per week… I don’t know… you do the maths, I’m just saying. I wouldn’t be able to buy a mansion or anything, maybe just like a nice dinner in an overpriced restaurant where there is a French Maitre De who has a handlebar mustache that he twirls at least once every five minutes. This restaurant would mask itself as being of high quality and fine-dining but it would probably end up as a subject of a Gordon Ramsey, “Kitchen Nightmares” episode …

Oh wait, I digress.

So yeah, imagine my surprise when I came to find out that after the 68 long episodes of terrible auditions and judges inflating the egos of many a crap singer by telling them they are going to go, really, really far, that only one person can win this competition. Imagine my surprise when all of those “talents” who apparently had the spuds to win were turned down and kicked out by the judges!

It felt like that time my parents sat down and told me that I was adopted and they didn’t like me Santa Claus wasn’t real. It is ALL lies.

…Or maybe the judges just don’t know the rules of the show? Who knows…

4. X-Factor Contestants Probably Smell Like BO. True Story.

The above statement may or may not be true. I don’t like to pick at threads or draw attention to monetary and fiduciary issues but maybe we should start a good old fashioned cake stall for the contestants.

Why?

Well… that is a very good question and I am glad you asked. It would seem as though X-Factor’s wardrobe department is currently dealing with a shortage of weekly costumes. This is pretty much the only conclusion I can come up with, since I have observed each week with my keen eye for detail, that the contestants wear the same outfit on both the Sunday and the Monday! Well, the contestants who are in the bottom two, that is.

Is it because they can’t afford something different? and in which case, is a cake stall or a fun run a better way to raise money in order to help such a cause…. But if it isn’t that, then maybe it is that X-Factor producers decided to make the losers who will be singing for their life (but not in front of a sniper with a sawn-off shotgun see; Exhibit 2.) feel like crap by wearing the same, sweaty outfit so to remind them of the smell of the previous night’s failed performance?

Who knows, but they probably smell. This is a bold assumption based on absolutely no education or evidence, but I assure you it is very accurate.

5. Apparently in order to be a successful female singer you have to wear as little as possible.

Over the course of the competition I have watched Sofia wear less and less. Tayla was constantly looking like a 50s pin-up girl, Cleo was encouraged by her “mentor” to get out of her own style and in to something more “sexy” despite her obvious discomfort with it. Apparently showing skin is more important than your ability to sing.

Honestly, I understand how important this is, considering how a lot of males have the attention span of tree stumps and their need to be visually stimulated far outweighs the need to be aurally stimulated – but in which case, maybe they could have Australian Porn Star or a new variation of X-Factor … maybe SEX-Factor… Perhaps that would be more appropriate.

Maybe the female mentors might want to teach them a little more about the value of actually putting on clothes, rather than encourage them to perform in various stages of undress.

But hey, maybe that’s just me.

There you have it — five important lessons from thanks to our very good friends at X-Factor.

 

Diva’s Corporate Fail & Quick update

Before I get in to anything, I haven’t blogged much due to exams and assignments, but now my exams are over and I am free as a bird! I had my last one on Monday and I think it went well, a lot to be said for the History one, but anyway…

Back to regular programming. I have one last assignment this week.

I wanted to post this report that I put together for an assignment and also a situation of enlightenment for others who don’t know much about it… Basically, I’ll let the report speak for itself. Any feedback is welcome but identify yourself, I dont like anonymous comments.

Aside from that, it was my 28th birthday on the 14th and I now am the proud owner of a Kindle, a nice wad of cash, half a plane ticket and a bottle of Moscato. I can’t wait to drink that Moscato, by the way, but … it feels a little lame drinking it alone at the moment…

I am excited because on the 29th, I will be celebrating my birthday (belated!) with my awesome buddies, Jai and C. Maybe I’ll drink my wine that day, who knows?

Also, I finally got rid of my blackberry and am now in the land of the iPhone4s. I enjoy iMessage immensely.

And aside from that, nothing exciting has happened. I am looking in to internships for next year and am hoping to do something local and then the second one, I am hoping to do a big newspaper in the city! Exciting.

Bed time for little J. I have a bunch of blogs half-written that I will be most certainly working on — and I have added a new link of my beautiful little buddy, Elfie who wrote a great blog to compliment my Diva Accessories report if you look to the right! 🙂

Top 5 Important Life Lessons

 

Hi, it’s been almost a month since my last blog (this sounds like an opening for A.A) but that’s because I’m busy being absolutely freaking amazing. (Did I mention the amazing victory of a 100% mark on an essay? … Hey, the marker may or may not have been drunk, but whatever… it’s going on my transcript. I win.) I just wanted to instill some very important life lessons that I have learned over the span of the time that I’ve been gone. I know, I know, you’re absolutely welcome and it’s so kind of me, etc, etc…
Let’s start.
1. Men still think it’s okay to be extremely inappropriate with female strangers because most women are too stupid to tell them it’s not okay.
Sometimes I really do think women are ridiculous for the kinds of things they allow in their lives and for the way they allow men to treat them. Men are not blameless, but I am a firm believer that you teach people how to treat you. A lot of women base their self-worth around the attention from the opposite sex, (just an observation) and in essence, accept a lot of things that is not okay by the standards of others. I can’t stand sexual innuendo, connotations, overtones, undertones from men that I have just met, or of whom I don’t consider myself to be close enough to, to speak like that. In fact, I can’t think of one male friend who I would think it was acceptable from. I find it disrespectful, rude and also presumtueous. Do men actually think that this kind of talk excites women? Because honestly, for the most part, I am pretty sure that it does not save for those few who as I mentioned, base their self-esteem on the rule of ‘any attention is good attention’.
I don’t consider myself to be by any means a beauty queen, but I encounter it in my daily life and it pisses me off and not only that but it makes me super uncomfortable when men make “joking” passes regarding sex to me. What happened to chivalry? What happened to treating a lady like a lady? I don’t even expect that someone I’ve just met would swear in front of me, let alone allude to some kind of sexual situation. Foul. Go away, you’re disgusting and I won’t even look back twice.
2. People are extremely stupid and bigoted and they don’t even realise it.
If I have to read one more twitter message or status about how Australia needs to be tougher on immigrants, I will puke. You can bet your life that with these “opinions” there are racist overtones because they are usually posted by bogans who don’t know anything about anything, who still believe the ridiculous myth that Australia will be an Islam nation within the next generation (this has been proven to be a myth, unless of course Islamic families produce about 30 kids per family for the next 15 yrs) and the same ones who will start crying out that we are a “Christian Nation!” (um do you go to church? no. Neither do the larger population of Australia …so…) Those people will sport Southern cross tattoos and stickers on their car saying “Aussie Pryyyyde” and probably rioted in Cronulla a few years back… Unless you’re a native to the land, it wasn’t your country to begin with, and it was OK for England to go in and occupy Africa, India and the Middle East for years too many to count, so why can’t people go where they want to go? And live where they want to live?
I would like to expand on this later because I’ve read some super doozy posts regarding this.
3. Some people in life just can’t be happy unless they are complaining. 
I hate these people, they make me angry. I don’t want to be friends with them, I don’t want to be around them, and after awhile I start losing all my pity for them. I don’t want to bother wasting my time, energy or breath trying to help someone who doesn’t want to be helped. We all have our childish, emo moments, sure — but life is a struggle, everyone struggles, just get over yourself. Sometimes I feel like slapping people when they start whinging about stupid things that can be fixed if they just got off their arse and were willing to actually put some effort in to something. But oh no, they can’t because the whole world is against them and it’s sooooo unfair. Get lost. Life is hard, take responsibility for yourself and don’t expect opportunities to fall in to your lap.
4. People don’t keep pictures of ex’s for ‘memory’ sake. 
I joked about this with a friend the other day. A couple of my friends showed me some pictures of their first boyfriends or ex’s that had really ‘hurt’. I had a few photos of two ex’s that I kept up until just a few months ago on the pretense of having memories…. and we all agreed that the only reason why one never throws out photos is because they are having a hard time letting go and that in fact, memory has nothing at all to do with it.  In fact, the only other reason one would keep pictures besides not being ‘over it’ would be to have a target during your next darts match. I remember when I dated my very first boyfriend back when I was about 15, we broke up intermittently and I cut him out of all of our photos that I kept in frames and put myself back in them without him… and then I think I burned them. I no longer keep any photos of any ex, probably a good sign that I’m over them which is a good thing. My friend also threw out her photos too… What’s the point, you don’t look back when moving forward. Next!

5. Reading books is more exciting than leaving the house and doing social things.

Well, this is just a very important lesson. I went out two weeks ago and was bored out of my mind. This week I have stayed home every day this week and have enjoyed reading many of my 932034234 books and it has been interesting, exciting, adventuous, funny and educational. I have learned many an interesting thing and I’ve not felt uncomfortable, put out, disrespected, annoyed or upset. I like being a wallflower, and with that said; the next book I plan on reading (after Choke by Chuck Palaniuk) is going to be, “The Perks of Being A Wallflower”
Look out for my next blog, 5 things I have learned from watching X-Factor.

 

5 Things I’ve Learned From Facebook

1. The people who keep adding me from Highschool aren’t really interested in being my friend.
I know you are shocked and appalled by the mere suggestion that people could just want to add me for the sake of being nosey, but I have it on good authority that it is true. I have a little story to share. It starts off with one of the prettiest girls from school adding me to Facebook. I knew her since I was a little kid, but she conveniently forgot that I existed after 6th grade. That’s just fine, I didn’t really like her snot nose anyway. She added me and I accepted out of nothing more than a fleeting feeling of obligation. I sent her an obligatory “hello and thanks for the add, long time no see…” message on her wall.
Imagine my surprise when she didn’t respond. More than 2 weeks passed and not once did she comment on, reply to or seem vaguely interested in my life. So I did what any disgruntled former-acquaintence would do, I deleted her ass.
Fast-forward 2 months later and she adds me again! I figured that maybe I deleted her prematurely and that she was possibly going to say something but just didn’t remember. I added her, I left her the exactly same message, only because I forgot that I left it the first time. Her page is rife with bullshit posts from the same girls that I once considered my friends. And low and behold, no response. What a surprise! … She made a post about a TV show that I watch, I commented. She replied to everyone else but me. What the frickity frack?
So I deleted her. I was sick of looking at her annoying updates anyway. Imagine my sheer, unfiltered, blinding rage when she went to add me a third time. Take. A. Friggin’ Hint. I was so annoyed this time, that I accepted her. I gave her a three day grace period and in that time nothing was posted. So I sent her a private message that read as follows;
“Seriously, what the hell do you want?”
No response. I deleted her and blocked her stupid ass.
Do you know how many times I’ve added people to my Facebook and they have not once responded to a single thing I’ve written? Mostly these are high school friends who want nothing more to nose through your shit so that they can make themselves feel better about their own crappy mediocre suburban lifestyles. Whatever bitch.
2. People are way more annoying than you could have ever imagined.
Some people have no concept of TMI. Sometimes this is acceptable because their TMI is actually funny and witty and isn’t attention-seeking or laced with ambiguously veiled insults toward someone of whom they have no balls to confront personally.
Now, I don’t want to be a hypocrite here, so I will put my hand up to recognise that I, on occasion have posted a slip-up emo post or something that perhaps hasn’t tried to garner attention, but rather express myself aptly. Though, my friends on my Facebook page are carefully divided up in to categories from Close friends and family, to acquaintences, to high school ‘friends’, to fandom friends and more – this is a great method of regulating what certain people can see. When posting personal things, I usually leave access only to close friends and family, the rest cannot see. Maybe it would do those who don’t know me very well to take a leaf out of my book and do the same. Honestly, I don’t want to watch your domestic affairs unfold over a Facebook status … okay maybe I do, maybe it’s a little comical to me, but that is beside the point.
I can’t handle it when people type ambiguous or leading statuses in order to lure their friends in to asking what is wrong – the questions and concerns will go completely ignored until the person feels like changing or deleting said status.
Oh, the “I’m so friggin’ amazing and drunk” status updates. You know, instead of trying to convince your entire friend’s list of how much of a good time you are having, why don’t you actually stop updating your page and go out and actually have one.
I’m not against anyone who has children and in fact, I love kids… but I don’t want to read about your baby taking a dump for the first time it coughed and farted at the same time. I understand it’s exciting and that you want to share everything because your baby is delightful and amazing, really I do… but seriously… take away users whinging about how hard done by their lives are and the kid talking and Facebook would be a friggin’ ghost town.
3. Men from India and Africa really like me…
I don’t know how many times I have been friend-requested by men who live in India and Africa. They usually send a friend request and I usually send a message asking, “Why are you trying to add me, do you think you know me?” (Knowing very well, of course, that they do not) and I am met with responses like, “You are very beautiful,,, I would like to be friends.” 
Get lost.
4. People have a lot of spare time to play a lot of annoying games.
Hey I am not judging anyone. Before you go and question whether or not I have anything better to do than to write blogs about insufferable movies and why social network annoys me, let me just stop you – No, I don’t.
I too have a lot of spare time.
But what annoys me is having to constantly wade through a bunch of bullshit posts on my Facebook feed in order to get to find out what is actually news with my friends… But I usually don’t get too excited since generally news is people posting about how much their lives suck or how many times their kid pooped that day… but still… How many flash-based games can one be addicted to!?
5. People think that I care where they are at all times.
The check-in place option on Facebook further perpetuates a society that no longer understands the need for privacy. I think I’ve used Facebook check-in a handful of times, usually as a joke. I remember sitting in the car with a friend once, checking in from various false and outrageous locations while giggling madly. A talent agency, a golf course at 8pm, the local ambulance station, the freeway – but I could probably count on my fingers how many times I’ve used it in seriousness.
I don’t mind that people use it, but it’s the level of use that annoys me. I have a particular contact who uses facebook check-in to share her visits to a fast food restaurant. I know that she goes to this particular restaurant more than 5 times a week. Really? Is that something you want people to know? If you’re somewhere special, then fine… I can understand the excitement. If I were in Seattle right now, like I dream of being, then I would be definitely checking-in.
But a visit to the local shopping centre? A walk down the street? Giving the exact coordinates / map while at a friends place? Seriously? I would take up serious issue with any friend of mine who shares the exact coordinates of where I live by checking in from my house.
No one cares where you are every day except you, man!
Well this has been fun. I think I’ll go eat some mayonnaise.